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| The Whole Menagerie. Wizard Shown for Scale. |
1. The Atmospheric Hair-Collecting Jellypus
1 HD, No Armor, Immune to bludgeoning damage, Flies at half standard speed, No attack.
Description: A translucent squid made of jelly which floats through the air, maneuvering with its flappy little fins. It likes to hover over people's heads, and scrounge around on their head for loose hair which it carries away to use as nesting material. About 2 feet long, odorless and completely silent. The false nose is just to make people feel more comfortable. Kinda like the opposite of a butterfly's eye-spots.
Care: The Jellypus prefers to build its nest on empty library bookshelves, but any sort of sturdy surface high in the air will suffice. Make sure not to disturb any clumps of hair you find laying around your wizard tower. Some Jellypodes like to build secondary "starter" nests in hopes of attracting a friend, and removing these nests may cause distress.
The Jellypus needs very little care, as it feeds primarily on the oils and parasites it collects from grooming. Avoid washing your hair too regularly, or applying excessive hair-styling products, especially soaps which contain sulfur. Be careful about using hair potions, as the magical residue can have unpredictable effects on a Jellypus' delicate anatomy.
If you are bald, be sure to keep some hairy creatures around your tower, or to frequently have visits from long-haired and filthy guests.
The Jellypus is incredibly playful, and enjoys being tickled with feathers, tassles, or other soft objects. Keep it away from sharp objects.
Domestic Benefit: Cleans your hair, takes care of lice, can be trained to keep long beards and armpit hair from trailing along the ground. Some exceptional individuals can be trained to make their nest inside of a large hat, and levitate it around for you (whistle to have your hat fly onto your head!).
Spell: Levitate. (GLOG, D&D) The critter wraps its arms around whatever you designate (preferably something with hair) and and its fins start flapping madly like a hummingbird's wings.
2. The Green Thumb
3 HD, Armor as Chain, Moves at standard speed, but can't move without access to its tools, No attack.
Description: A rigid oval capsule, about 3 feet long and 1 foot wide. Has the texture of moss-covered wood. An darkened eyespot adorns the side, though its entire surface is somewhat photoreceptive. A chitinous beak adorns the end of the body and opens directly to the critter's hollow interior. It can quickly grow vine-like tentacles from any position on its surface, which it uses for locomotion and manipulation.
Care: Provide it with at least 2, and preferably 3, long sturdy instruments to use as legs. Its vines can only move it about very very slowly, and dragging along the ground is bad for its structural integrity.
About once a month, pry open its beak and dump in a big bag full of compost.
Cuttings of its vines can be planted in soil and grown into new Green Thumbs, but these critters instinctually destroy sprouts of their own species, so you'll have to care for it by hand.
Domestic Benefit: Whatever tools you give the critter, it will try to do tasks appropriate to those tools. Give it a ladle, a long knife, and a rolling pin, and it will try to cook for you, for example. However, it is horrendously bad at anything it attempts except gardening. So give it shovels, hoes, rakes, and the like. It will plant seeds, water the yard, de-weed your garden. The whole works. Just provide it with a shed full of gardening tools and let it go wild.
Spell: Entangle. (D&D) GLOG:
R: 50' T: 20' x 20' surface D: [sum] minutes
Small vine-like tendrils shoot out of the surface and grasp at passers-by. Creatures moving across the area must Save vs Strength or stop moving. At the end of the spell's duration, the vines become de-animated and begin to wilt away.
The Green Thumb Swivels around and launches seeds out of its beak like some sort of cannon. Wherever these land, they rapidly sprout into short-lived ensnaring vines.
3. The Butter Elementoid
5 HD. Armor as Plate. Moves at half speed, depending on temperature. No attack, but striking it unarmed may do damage to the attacker.
Description: In its base form, the Butter Elementoid is a chrome sphere with several thick movable spines. If you were cruel enough to crack one open, you'd find the inside to be full of milk and incredibly greasy meat.
It constantly exudes butter from the tips of its spines, and from small pores placed randomly throughout its body. After several days of this, it builds up a solid layer of buttery coating. Through a completely unexplained process, this buttercoat tends to develop cracks and impressions which resemble a face.
When placed in a chilled environment, it becomes dormant. At room temperature, it slowly stumbles about on its spines, making contented buzzing noises. When heated, it can move at startling speed.
Care: Just make sure to either clean it regularly or keep it refrigerated. Otherwise the outer layers of butter will go rancid over time. Chromium flakes can be optionally provided in a dish of oil to improve the critter's shell health. Mixing various herbs and spices into the critter's buttery coating does nothing for the critter's health, but some Butter Elementoids seem to enjoy it.
If you would like more Butter Elementoids, then keep your critter in a large chamber, heated to 660-700 Rankine. In such an environment, (in addition to flipping out and skittering all over the place) the Butter Elementoid will slowly grow in size, its armor becoming thinner. Once it reaches 6 feet across, it will expire, the surface will blacken and turn to char, and then 1-3 small fist-sized Butter Elementoids will emerge from their mother, having absorbed the parent's shell to make their own.
Domestic Benefit: Place it on a table with other food, and it will move about, buttering bread, buttering meat, buttering the tablecloth...
Spell: Grease. (GLOG, D&D) When turbocharged with magic, the butter stops dribbling and shoots out in a magnificent jet.
4. The Qiring
4 HD. Armor as Leather. Standard Movement on any surface. d2 head bludgeon.
Description: Atop a leather spider-like base sits a 2-foot-long rigid neck topped by a bulbous, saggy, 5-eyed head. Both head and neck are wrapped in mottled leathery skin. Strange clicking and chittering sounds come from the critter, and a long tongue darts in and out of its mouth.
Care: The 'mouth' of the Qiring isn't actually used to eat. Instead, it siphons up water and nutrients through a belly-button-like pore on its base. To feed a Qiring, simply fill a dish with water and add a bit of sugar and iron filings.
A Qiring 'sleeps' while feeding, so place this dish next to your bed if your Qiring is scuttling around too much at night (this can be a sign of anxiety).
As a treat, you can scratch it under the chin, or give it any sort of small shiny object. Do not give it knives unless it has shown exceptional responsibility.
Domestic Benefit: Give the Qiring copies of all of your keys to store in its mouth. It will follow you around, and when you need to go through a door, it will dart ahead, unlock the door, and pry it open for you. Then after you pass through, the Qiring will relock and close the door.
Spell: Knock. (GLOG, D&D) Somehow, when filled with magical energy, this critter can produce any sort of key from inside its mouth, even one it has never seen before. Even things that are only conceptually keys, like crowbars or hacksaws.
Description: Atop a leather spider-like base sits a 2-foot-long rigid neck topped by a bulbous, saggy, 5-eyed head. Both head and neck are wrapped in mottled leathery skin. Strange clicking and chittering sounds come from the critter, and a long tongue darts in and out of its mouth.
Care: The 'mouth' of the Qiring isn't actually used to eat. Instead, it siphons up water and nutrients through a belly-button-like pore on its base. To feed a Qiring, simply fill a dish with water and add a bit of sugar and iron filings.
A Qiring 'sleeps' while feeding, so place this dish next to your bed if your Qiring is scuttling around too much at night (this can be a sign of anxiety).
As a treat, you can scratch it under the chin, or give it any sort of small shiny object. Do not give it knives unless it has shown exceptional responsibility.
Domestic Benefit: Give the Qiring copies of all of your keys to store in its mouth. It will follow you around, and when you need to go through a door, it will dart ahead, unlock the door, and pry it open for you. Then after you pass through, the Qiring will relock and close the door.
Spell: Knock. (GLOG, D&D) Somehow, when filled with magical energy, this critter can produce any sort of key from inside its mouth, even one it has never seen before. Even things that are only conceptually keys, like crowbars or hacksaws.
5. The Grumbling Humbuggler
The fluffy part and the arm are semi-independent.
Fluffy: 2 HD. No Armor. Standard Movement. d6 bite.
Arm: 3 HD. Armor as Leather. No Movement. d4 squeeze.
Description: Small mammal. Mangy fur. Tiny hooves. Exposed gums and fangs. Beady eyes are lopsided like a flatfish. Dozens of rodent-like ears jut out from its head as various angles.
A human-sized rubbery arm protrudes from the back, full of thick fluid glowing blue. Highly dextrous. Strange vents and piping. Grabs nearby objects.
It eats mud, and then forces the mud through its teeth as a crude form of filter feeding. It desperately wants to hunt and eat rats, but the arm always grabs away its prey.
Blood vessels run throughout the arm, while strange piping laces the flesh of the mammal. Leaking blue fluid sometimes pools The whole thing smells faintly of burnt corn, and whines like a sad chihuahua.
Care: On its own, the Humbuggler will tend to wallow in mud and accumulate filth. If you feed it mince meat, soup, or some other food which can't be grabbed away, then it won't need to eat and live in the muck, and will be very grateful.
Domestic Benefit: After befriending it, the mammal will tend to cuddle up to your feet, and the arm will grab food and hold it up for you.. The combined effect is a like a butler who puts cheese directly into your mouth.
Spell: This critter can actually cast two different spells depending on whether you feed your magic into the mammal or into the arm.
Mammal's Spell: Sending. (D&D) GLOG:
R: Unlimited T: Someone you know D: ([dice]^2)*15 seconds.
Think of someone you are personally familiar with. While the spell is active, that person will be able to hear what you are saying, regardless of where the are in the cosmos. If you spend at least 2 [dice], then you will also be able to hear their replies to you.
Hold the critter up to your ear like a telephone headset (don't worry, it's surprisingly light) and you can talk to people far away! If they reply, their voice comes out from the Humbuggler's mouth.
Arm's Spell: Mage Hand. (D&D) GLOG:
R: 60' D: Concentration, up to [dice] minutes
Form a spectral hand. You can move it slowly through the air as long as it stays within range, and it has the same range of motion as your own hand. It can lift as much as you can with one hand. The hand has 1 hp and pops like a soap bubble as soon as it reaches 0 hp or when the spell expires.
The arm will use the floating hand to grab food which is nearby but out of reach.
Fluffy: 2 HD. No Armor. Standard Movement. d6 bite.
Arm: 3 HD. Armor as Leather. No Movement. d4 squeeze.
Description: Small mammal. Mangy fur. Tiny hooves. Exposed gums and fangs. Beady eyes are lopsided like a flatfish. Dozens of rodent-like ears jut out from its head as various angles.
A human-sized rubbery arm protrudes from the back, full of thick fluid glowing blue. Highly dextrous. Strange vents and piping. Grabs nearby objects.
It eats mud, and then forces the mud through its teeth as a crude form of filter feeding. It desperately wants to hunt and eat rats, but the arm always grabs away its prey.
Blood vessels run throughout the arm, while strange piping laces the flesh of the mammal. Leaking blue fluid sometimes pools The whole thing smells faintly of burnt corn, and whines like a sad chihuahua.
Care: On its own, the Humbuggler will tend to wallow in mud and accumulate filth. If you feed it mince meat, soup, or some other food which can't be grabbed away, then it won't need to eat and live in the muck, and will be very grateful.
Domestic Benefit: After befriending it, the mammal will tend to cuddle up to your feet, and the arm will grab food and hold it up for you.. The combined effect is a like a butler who puts cheese directly into your mouth.
Spell: This critter can actually cast two different spells depending on whether you feed your magic into the mammal or into the arm.
Mammal's Spell: Sending. (D&D) GLOG:
R: Unlimited T: Someone you know D: ([dice]^2)*15 seconds.
Think of someone you are personally familiar with. While the spell is active, that person will be able to hear what you are saying, regardless of where the are in the cosmos. If you spend at least 2 [dice], then you will also be able to hear their replies to you.
Hold the critter up to your ear like a telephone headset (don't worry, it's surprisingly light) and you can talk to people far away! If they reply, their voice comes out from the Humbuggler's mouth.
Arm's Spell: Mage Hand. (D&D) GLOG:
R: 60' D: Concentration, up to [dice] minutes
Form a spectral hand. You can move it slowly through the air as long as it stays within range, and it has the same range of motion as your own hand. It can lift as much as you can with one hand. The hand has 1 hp and pops like a soap bubble as soon as it reaches 0 hp or when the spell expires.
The arm will use the floating hand to grab food which is nearby but out of reach.
6. The Laundrorb
8 HD. Armor as Leather. Flies at 1/4 Standard Speed. d4 bite on up to 12 seperate targets.
Description: A floating dodecahedron, made of something almost, but not quite, entirely dissimilar to flesh. Smells strongly of soap.
A large mouth, typically like a human's, lies near the center of each face. Each mouth whispers something different on a loop, and occasionally belches out a torrent of bubbles.
Each vertex is adorned with a small, jiggling soap bubble, which seems to play some role in the critter's navigation. Possibly some form of echolocation?
Care: Don't look at it too much, or it will starve to death. It feeds on inattention, somehow.
Domestic Benefit: Leave a pile of dirty laundry underneath it, and then leave the room. Don't try to watch. Just leave. Come back at least an hour later, and all of the laundry will be clean, warm, folded, and sorted into piles.
Spell: Magic Missile. (GLOG, D&D) Glowing soap bubbles shoot out of several of the mouths, each swerving off to strike a target of your choice. In addition to the typical effects of Magic Missile, this also slightly cleans the target, and leaves behind a flowery scent.
Description: A floating dodecahedron, made of something almost, but not quite, entirely dissimilar to flesh. Smells strongly of soap.
A large mouth, typically like a human's, lies near the center of each face. Each mouth whispers something different on a loop, and occasionally belches out a torrent of bubbles.
Each vertex is adorned with a small, jiggling soap bubble, which seems to play some role in the critter's navigation. Possibly some form of echolocation?
Care: Don't look at it too much, or it will starve to death. It feeds on inattention, somehow.
Domestic Benefit: Leave a pile of dirty laundry underneath it, and then leave the room. Don't try to watch. Just leave. Come back at least an hour later, and all of the laundry will be clean, warm, folded, and sorted into piles.
Spell: Magic Missile. (GLOG, D&D) Glowing soap bubbles shoot out of several of the mouths, each swerving off to strike a target of your choice. In addition to the typical effects of Magic Missile, this also slightly cleans the target, and leaves behind a flowery scent.
7. The Thermalocarid
12 HD. No Armor, immune to heat and cold. Standard Movement. No attack, but it's large enough to hurt if it steps on your toe by accident.
Description: A cyclopean arthropod sitting atop a pair of gigantic bloated human legs. About 7 feet tall in total. It's upper surface remains at room temperature, while its legs and underbelly stay slightly below freezing. Capable of understanding speech, but has basically no will of its own.
Care: This critter needs to eat shrimp and small fish, but has trouble actually entering the water. Either stock a very shallow pond, or just dump some on the ground for it. In either case, you will need to tell it to eat. Left to its own devices, it will stand completely motionless before eventually starving to death.
Bright lights can startle the poor thing, causing it to sprint away and potentially injure itself by crashing through a window. As such, you may find it advisable to drape a towel over the critter's eye outside of feeding times.
Domestic Benefit: Tell it to squat over something, and it will do so vigilantly, keeping that target well refrigerated.
Spell: Delayed Fireball. (GLOG, D&D) Charging it full of energy causes the delicate magic within this critter to reverse course. After 30 seconds, a fireball is cast, centered on the Thermalocarid's position. This will cause it to momentarily panic, running around of its own volition, and screaming with the voice of a horse. Soon it will realize that it was uninjured by the blast and return to standing motionless.
Description: A cyclopean arthropod sitting atop a pair of gigantic bloated human legs. About 7 feet tall in total. It's upper surface remains at room temperature, while its legs and underbelly stay slightly below freezing. Capable of understanding speech, but has basically no will of its own.
Care: This critter needs to eat shrimp and small fish, but has trouble actually entering the water. Either stock a very shallow pond, or just dump some on the ground for it. In either case, you will need to tell it to eat. Left to its own devices, it will stand completely motionless before eventually starving to death.
Bright lights can startle the poor thing, causing it to sprint away and potentially injure itself by crashing through a window. As such, you may find it advisable to drape a towel over the critter's eye outside of feeding times.
Domestic Benefit: Tell it to squat over something, and it will do so vigilantly, keeping that target well refrigerated.
Spell: Delayed Fireball. (GLOG, D&D) Charging it full of energy causes the delicate magic within this critter to reverse course. After 30 seconds, a fireball is cast, centered on the Thermalocarid's position. This will cause it to momentarily panic, running around of its own volition, and screaming with the voice of a horse. Soon it will realize that it was uninjured by the blast and return to standing motionless.
8. The Cat But With a Snake for Part of Its Tail
3 HD. No Armor. Standard Movement. (d4-2) pounce
Description: Listen. It's a fat cat, but part of its tail is also a snake. They were trying to make a "Teacup Chimera", but the goat bits didn't work out.
Care: It's just like taking care of a normal cat. Let it outside sometimes, I guess; it's not really fit to be an indoor cat.
Domestic Benefit: Both ends will hunt rats.
Spell: Alter Self. (GLOG, D&D) But note that it's the cat altering itself. And most of the time, even when you pump the thing full of magic, it won't change at all because it already considers itself to be perfect.
Description: Listen. It's a fat cat, but part of its tail is also a snake. They were trying to make a "Teacup Chimera", but the goat bits didn't work out.
Care: It's just like taking care of a normal cat. Let it outside sometimes, I guess; it's not really fit to be an indoor cat.
Domestic Benefit: Both ends will hunt rats.
Spell: Alter Self. (GLOG, D&D) But note that it's the cat altering itself. And most of the time, even when you pump the thing full of magic, it won't change at all because it already considers itself to be perfect.
What a weird, eclectic, disturbing, adorable set of creatures. This is delightful, especially with the pictures. I will definitely be using these at some point!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Disturbing but adorable was definitely what I was going for. My thought process was essentially "If I were the laziest wizard in the world, what would be the perfect pet? Okay, now how can I make that awful?"
DeleteThe Grumbling Humbuggler is just the sweetest and saddest tale ever told and I can't stop laughing, and "both ends will hunt hats" just finished me right off.
ReplyDeleteI love them all so much... I will open my home to them...
ReplyDelete